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Jabroni Joe Releases 2019 Survivor Football Manifesto

Week 10
Perhaps it is ok to chase a loser sometimes – especially when that loser (the Bengals) are starting a rookie quarterback for the first time agains an explosive Baltimore team. If you haven’t used the Ravens yet, it’s the way to go.

The Colts at home against the league’s other great loser (Miami) has it’s intrigue, especially with the Dolphins having already secured a win.

And the Seahawks might just be the team to knock off the undefeated 49ers on Monday night.

Week 9
For this week’s advice, listen to our most recent podcast episode.

Week 8
For this week’s advice, listen to our most recent podcast episode.

Week 7
We usually advocate against the chasing of losers and avoiding divisional matchups where possible, but this week’s Bills vs. Dolphins tilt feels too tough to pass up. If you still have the Packers available, have at them before you think about risking a potential let down of the 49ers in DC of the hit-and-miss Falcons. Though, they are a desperate team at home against an inconsistent Rams team, so there is intrigue here if other options are not available. Will the Titans get a boost at home with a new, experienced QB at the helm? Maybe, so give this one a look too. Survive.

Week 6
Bye weeks are in full swing and things are officially interesting. In a rare feat, the Thursday night game this week was a top-tier choice. Unfortunately, plenty of people already used the scummy Patriots. We do want to stay away from the 9:30 a.m. Sunday game in London between Tampa Bay and Carolina, and the lowly Dolphins are playing the seemingly equally lowly Redskins. (Stay away, but this may be the home team’s truly real chance to win a game this season – don’t sleep on that.)

This feels like a week where the lowest risk may be focusing on the legitimate good teams still in your pile, regardless of their matchup. The Cowboys visit New York to play a Jets team that gets its clinically healthy QB back – but is a team nonetheless reeling. Are the Cowboys trustworthy? They may have to be if you have already used the Chargers or the Chiefs. The Packers get another evening home game on Monday, but they are catching divisional foe Detroit coming off a bye. And the Ravens are hosting divisional rival Cincy, which may already be looking at next season’s schedule. Consider these teams tier two. The Eagles going into Minnesota feel like a sneaky good pick if you have somehow already used the five teams suggested here, as do the Rams hosting a San Fran team that might have a bubble ready to burst. But the Rams have shown how untrustworthy they are.

Until Week 7 – Survive.

Week 5
For Week 5’s guidance, listen to our most recent podcast episode.

Week 4
For Week 4’s guidance, listen to our most recent podcast episode.

Week 3
For Week 3’s guidance, listen to our most recent podcast episode.

Week 2
The Manifesto almost bit it hard in Week 1 thanks to Bubblegum Head Pete Carroll and Seattle. But, in the end, this “game” isn’t supposed to be easy is it? Week 2 will present more challenges than normal as well. We like to be able to err on the side of choosing a squad that lost in Week 1 that is supposed to make serious noise during the season. But the best options on that front look to be the Steelers – who just may not be good and are hosting that Seahawks squad – and, gulp, the Falcons. It would be nice if Carolina wasn’t hosting the Bucs on Thursday night. But they are. So tread carefully there. And it would be nice if the Jets weren’t the home team on Monday night with their QB situation being what it is. But they are. So tread carefully there, too.

Beyond that, the Ravens feel like a nice play, as do the Texans. The Colts provide some intrigue, but they are on the road. Can the Titans stir enough confidence as the home team? If the Bengals truly are not garbage and San Fran sort of is, there’s an interesting game. We are starting to get into the weeds, though.

It would be nice to trust the Packers, even in a divisional game, and the Rams may be able to handle a short-week Saints team at home after the way New Orleans “survived” last week. But, hey, that’s the name of the “game,” right.

And of course, people will flock to the New England Dirtbags in the almighty attempt at chasing the worst team in the league. Yeah, the Dolphins qualify as losers already. Don’t chase them! Set a standard for some more thoughtful picks please!

For more advice, listen to our Thursday Night Football Podcast.

Week 1
It’s a few hours before the first NFL kickoff of 2019, and that means it’s time to get our hands dirty with Survivor Football Week 1. And boy, it’s a bit of a dirty week! The NFL’s trending parity mixed with divisional matchups to open the season make for some interesting decisions to make for picks this week, if you’re willing to follow the Manifesto.

For those wise enough and committed to do so, we know that the goal is to start by focusing only on teams that are opening at home. They are:

Chicago (Thursday night)
NY Jets
Your Philadelphia Eagles
LA Chargers
Tampa Bay
New England (Sunday Night)
New Orleans Monday Night
Oakland (Monday Night)

From here, we like to focus on teams that are expected to be in the upper echelon of the league. REMEMBER – Don’t pass on a team only because you are “saving it.” You can’t win Week 2 if you don’t win Week 1. And avoiding divisional matchups is encouraged – although if there is ever a “safer” time to take a divisional matchup it would be when you are looking at the option of taking a good team that is opening Week 1 at home.

That said, consider Seattle and the Birds as your lowest-risk options. REMEMBER – the Manifesto suggests that we choose based on lowest risk when push comes to shove.

The Chargers present a bit of a compelling case too – home with an Indy team that just lost its franchise quarterback forever changing time zones. But the Chargers have their own drama and the circumstances that Indy is under could bring some extra motivation that is tough to measure. So there’s some risk here.

People will consider the Browns, Jets, and Dallas for sure – and there’s some intrigue there. But taking more proven programs offers lower risk. The Raiders and Saints hosting Monday Night games are also a little tantalizing just because. But buyer beware.

And if you are thinking about picking a road team in Week 1: Woof and God Bless!

To reference the Manifesto, click here.


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